Smile for Me, Little Brother
by seerstella
Summary: Towa's brothers love him, and then Mikado falls in love with him. Mika/Towa, AU, Dark!Fic. Warnings inside.


Title: Smile for Me, Little Brother

Authoress: Seer M. Anno

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Sakuraga Mei. The quotes belong to Motoni Modoru. I own nothing but the story.

Rating: R

Pairing: Mikado Shirahane/Towa Aikawa

Summary: Towa's brothers love him, and then Mikado falls in love with him.

Genre: Dark!Fic, AU

Warning: Slash, possible OOCness, mild child abuse

A/N: Inspired by Pupa (manga, and you should know who played the abusive papa in the anime!). Quotes on the centre are taken from the manga Dog Style by Motoni Modoru (also not mine, and a bit modified). Unbeta'd, sorry! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Smile for Me, Little Brother**

**Seer M. Anno**

* * *

_My precious stray said, "Let's go home."_

Present Day

"How old are you?"

The police officer is a very gentle old man, with brown eyes and hair that can reassure any panicking citizens. He isn't using his full-with-authority persona, as he sits relaxed on his chair. Before him is a pale-faced boy, his eyes are casted downcast, tears are pooling on them.

"Seven—seventeen. I—I just...sorry..._sorry_."

"Calm down, boy, what happened?"

The boy takes a deep, shuddering breath and starts to cry. It's pretty embarrassing, actually, if the situation isn't this serious. That boy's just too old to cry like that. But the police officer only sits back and waited patently, pity slowly creeps into him. He examines the bruises on his face and scars on his uncovered arms. He didn't seem to be in a fight earlier, or he wouldn't have bawled like a little boy in front of him.

"I'm sorry..." is all he can say. "I'm sorry... I let him..."

"Do you want something to drink?" The officer rises, but the boy's hand snatches his.

"No!" he suddenly shouted, and then he looked down at the plastic table, embarrassed of shouting. "I mean... stay here, please."

"Alright. If you can tell me what happened, I'll stay longer and you can go back to your room."

Moments later, the boy straightens, dried tears makes his cheeks brighter under the single lamp above them. The officer remembers when people found him; someone obviously has left him to die on that empty street. He was the first person that boy saw when he regained his consciousness, thus here they are, in a deserted hospital canteen (he wants to be taken here, the officer still remembers his pleas), with him demanding not to be left alone.

"S-sorry for a-a-all of th-this. I can't—couldn't seem t-to c-compose my-myself. Sorry."

"What happened?" the officer asks patiently. He has faced many people who are agitated and scared, but he has never seen such terror from anyone like this boy.

"I-I-I... I th-think I ju-just k-k-killed—no, I le-let s-someone I l-l-love d-d-d-d-d-_die_..."

*.*.*

_"You're like the stereotypical juvenile delinquent."_

Years Before

"Hisa-nii!"

"Towaaaa!"

A little boy jumped into the hug of his older brother, followed by smiles and words of appreciation from the teacher who accompanied Towa out the school. Their hugs had become common in the school garden, a sight that was so adorable and worth watching.

"Thank you for taking care of Towa today, Aya-sensei."

The woman—Aya-sensei—smiled and patted Nagahisa's head. Nagahisa winced, but said nothing and nobody saw it. "It's my pleasure, Hisa-kun."

Nagahisa smiled behind his broken glasses. Kuon had fixed it, but it was still uncomfortable to wear. Towa's teacher never noticed, and for that he was relieved. "C'mon, Towa," he said, taking Towa's small lunchbox. "Let's go home."

Towa nodded and waved at his teacher. Both of them walked silently down the road, and every time they turned left or right, coming even nearer to the place they were forced to call home, Towa could feel his gut twisting. He never liked the place he lived in, to be honest. The atmosphere was so... dark and never failed to scare him sometimes.

But suddenly Nagahisa turned right instead of left.

"Hisa-nii?" Towa called. "Where are we going?"

"Ssh," Nagahisa smiled at him. "Don't worry, don't worry. Just smile for me, Towa."

Towa smiled at him and let Nagahisa held his hand tighter. It took a while for little Towa to realise where they were going. He smiled wider and tugged Nagahisa's hand, causing both of them to stop.

"We're going to see Ku-nii!" he squealed.

"Yes," Nagahisa affirmed, laughing. "But don't tell Kuon."

"Is it a surprise, Hisa-nii?"

"Yes," his older repeated. "So shh!"

Towa cheered and put on a stoic face, in vain, which made Nagahisa chuckle. They reached the restaurant and went straight to the back. Another brunet boy was there, tallest between the three brothers, very tall for boys his age. He didn't notice at first, since he was busy carrying things outside. Those things—_what's inside those boxes?_—looked heavy, but the boy didn't seem to mind.

"Ku-nii!"

Kuon looked dirty and tired, but Towa always liked to see him. He jumped up and down, running circles around Kuon, telling him about the game he had played at school earlier.

"Towa, be careful. Here's pretty dangerous," that was all he said when he managed to put down those boxes. But Towa, even in his young age, knew better than to expect smiles and laughs from Ku-nii just like what he saw in his dear Hisa-nii.

"What's in those?"

"Paper plates, as usual. Some aren't."

"Chiaki-san really likes you throwing out them, hm, Kuon?" Nagahisa laughed.

Towa knew Chiaki-san, Ku-nii's 'boss'. He was a bald man (Towa knew the word after asking where his hair was) with kind eyes and small smiles. He liked Chiaki-san, but _why Chiaki-san wants to throw plates away? Are they dangerous?_

"You thought too loud, Towa," Kuon suddenly remarked. Towa snapped his head and smiled at him.

"They aren't dangerous, they're just broken. Broken, used plates, Towa," Nagahisa answered the question as he pushed some brown, sweaty bangs on Kuon's forehead. "Chiaki-san doesn't need them anymore."

"_We_ need plates," Towa replied. "I lost mine."

Nagahisa and Kuon exchanged glances. But suddenly Nagahisa coughed and smiled. "I know, I know. Let me talk to Chiaki-san for a while." Then he was gone, leaving Kuon with his younger brother. He huffed and smoothed Towa's wild brown hair.

"Why are you here?" he asked, but his tone held no malice... unlike _him_. "I don't think Papa'll like it."

"Hisa-nii wants to," Towa answered, his thin, small arms reached out for his brother.

Kuon sighed again and patted Towa's head. He let Towa hug him for a while before backing away. "You should go home."

"Nu-uh!" Towa shook his head. "Hisa-nii's inside."

"Papa'll be angry."

Towa's face darkened. He knew it was true. "I know, Ku-nii, but can we stay? Pleaseeee?"

Kuon looked like he was going to agree, but then he shook his head. "No. I don't want him angry."

"Okay, Ku-nii." Towa knew he couldn't go against Kuon when he said things as firmly as that, especially when Papa was involved. Papa could be very scary sometimes, if his mood was bad, and sometimes he'd shout at Towa which would make him cry when he was younger.

"Hey, we can take the plates!" Nagahisa suddenly emerged from the back, a huge smile on his face. It disappeared when he saw Towa who was looking at his shoes. "Why is 'lil Towa's sad? What happened, Kuon?"

"He doesn't want to go home." Kuon replied.

Nagahisa frowned and pulled Towa into a small embrace. "How about curry bread, Towa? I'll buy it for you on our way home."

Towa, deep down in his heart, and after years had gone, knew it was only Nagahisa's way to bribe him, so he wanted to go home. He wondered if he still would get his curry bread which he loved, but he smiled widely and jumped.

"Curry bread! Yay!" He yanked Nagahisa's hand impatiently. "C'mon, Hisa-nii! C'mon!"

"He had his curry bread yesterday. You shouldn't spoil him, Aniki."

"Ah! Curry breads are tasty, Ku-nii!"

"This is your last curry bread this week," Kuon eventually tried to make a deal. "Deal?"

Towa didn't stop to think. "Okay!"

"Then we should go. Smile for Kuon, Towa."

Towa did, as usual. It was an unwritten rule between the brothers, for Towa had the sweetest smile ('angelic', according to Nagahisa) and that he should smile often for them. Kuon nodded at them, but his face regained some colour as he wiped sweat from his face with his long sleeve.

"See you, Kuon," Nagahisa smiled at his second brother and walked away.

*.*.*

Papa was still sleeping when they came home. Nagahisa smiled and told Towa that he should keep quiet because a dragon was sleeping in its cave (read: house). After years, Towa realised how true that was. But back then, he merely smiled and went into his room.

"Aya-sensei told me you have a picture to colour. Why don't you start so I can see?"

"Righty then!" Towa beamed at him and pulled out a drawing and a box of crayons from his bag. He, forever clumsy, let the box slip and the contents scattered on the small table. Nagahisa laughed next to him, and that was when Towa saw a purple mark on his arm. He blinked.

"Hisa-nii?"

Nagahisa, who was busy taking the crayons and putting in inside the box, didn't notice what his little brother was staring at. He looked up and saw Towa's questioning stare.

"Why is your hand purple?"

Nagahisa's hand wasn't purple, of course, but he knew what Towa meant. His face paled instantly, and his hand was slightly shaking when he took the last crayon, a yellow one, Towa's favourite colour. An idea came into his mind.

"I love purple, Towa," he lied with a merry tone as usual. "It's a beautiful colour."

"So you coloured your arm?"

"...yes..."

And even though the drawing was a little girl, Towa coloured her skin purple.

*.*.*

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and months turned into years, and now Towa was in his fourth year of elementary school. That was when he started to wonder why his brothers never went to school. Turned out he wasn't the only one.

"Towa-kun? Where's your brother?" Sayaka-sensei asked one day, as she sat down on the carpet next to him. Nagahisa was late, again.

"Dunno," Towa answered truthfully.

"Maybe he's still at school?"

Towa couldn't answer. Nagahisa and Kuon never told him about their schools, and Kuon was still working for Chiaki-san. They studied together sometimes, but they never told him about their days at school like Towa did. Sayaka-sensei apparently took his silence as a chance to ask more, but before she could speak, the door opened.

"Excuse me, Sayaka-sensei."

On the doorway, stood a dark haired boy with a solemn expression. Towa saw him sometimes around the corridor, but he never knew his name. What he remembered from that boy was when he fought with a bigger _sixth _year boy and this dark boy was watching him between all the students who were cheering.

"Mikado-kun?" Sayaka-sensei called. "What is it?"

Mikado—the boy's name—looked back and forth between Towa and the young teacher. "Mari-sensei wants me to give this to you."

Towa didn't know what he brought for his homeroom teacher, and was going to ask when Mikado looked at him with his expressionless eyes.

"You're the boy who fought," he said smoothly.

Towa's face flushed, for he remembered all the scolding he had got from Sayaka-sensei and his brothers. He nodded, embarrassed.

"Can we go home together?"

Towa gaped at him. "What?"

"I want to talk to you," Mikado smiled, and Towa thought it was the best smile he'd ever seen, it even surpassed his brothers'. He looked pleadingly at Sayaka-sensei, who frowned in disagreement.

"You should wait for your brother, Towa-kun."

Towa was going to protest when Mikado cut in. "It's okay, we can talk outside. Can we, Sensei?"

She smiled at them. It was surprising for Mikado Shirahane to have a friend, especially when he approached said friend himself. "Alright, alright," she finally gave in. "You two can talk in the park."

And talk they did. Mikado sat on the bench and Towa on the grass, and they talked. Mostly Towa talked and Mikado listened, his face intent and serious. Sometimes he smiled when Towa ranted about the senior he had fought against. Turned out Mikado disliked that boy, even though he was older than both of them.

Towa found himself liking this boy, just like he liked every kid in his class. But sometimes he thought Mikado was different. He was nothing like a loud and cheerful Nagahisa, and his silence wasn't like Kuon's. Mikado was different and Towa liked him at the first time they talked.

"Towa!" came a shrill, panicked shout when Towa was busy complaining about his new math lesson. Nagahisa ran towards them and pulled Towa into a hug, unbeknownst to him, throwing a curious glance at Mikado. "Sorry I'm late!"

Mikado stared at Towa's brother, and Nagahisa laughed an awkward one. "Towa, who's this?"

"My name is Mikado Shirahane, and I'm in the fifth class."

Nagahisa's eyes widened as Mikado bowed politely in front of him. "H-hi, Mikado," he greeted warmly yet awkwardly. It was apparent that he wasn't used to someone doing things like that. An idea suddenly popped in Towa's mind.

"Hisa-nii! Hisa-nii! Can Mikado go home with us? His home's same way as ours!"

"WHAAAT?!"

*.*.*

Three days later, Nagahisa was late again, and Mikado sat on the same bench and Towa on the same spot on the grass. He listened intently as Towa babbled about his day and answered (with minimal words) when Towa gave him questions. He liked listening to Towa as much as Towa liked talking to him.

Topics changed and changed, and then Mikado just asked it out of the blue.

"How old's your brother?"

"Hisa-nii? He's eight years older, he told me!" Towa grinned at him and pulled out his fingers. "Let's see... I'm nine and he's..." he counted with his fingers, "eh..."

"Seventeen." Mikado answered with a small smile.

"Yes! Seventeen!"

"I never see him wearing uniforms."

Towa blinked and blinked and blinked again. He never did as well and it was the second time he realised that. Mikado frowned at his silence, and took everything into his hands.

"He doesn't go to school, does he?" he asked gently.

At that certain moment, Towa realised that he was right. He looked down and played with the grass in his grip. "I don't know," he finally admitted.

Mikado slid to the ground and touched Towa's shoulder. "Can I go to your house tomorrow?"

*.*.*

"No."

"But, Ku-nii! Mikado's nice!"

"No." Kuon pulled his long sleeve further covering his arm. Towa wondered why him—and Nagahisa—always wore long sleeves, even in summers. "No."

"Pleaseee?"

"No."

"Can I ask Hisa-nii?"

"No."

"Why? Why? Why, Ku-nii?"

Kuon took a deep breath. "Papa's talking to him now."

Towa froze. When Papa was talking to his brothers, Towa was never allowed to see them. He never knew what was going on between them, and he never thought about it. But Mikado's question and Kuon's grave answer played in his mind, and he couldn't shake it off. Maybe it was why he became reckless and broke the rule between the three of them.

"I'll ask Papa too!" he shouted and ran out the room.

"TOWA!"

It was the first time Towa heard Kuon shout, almost screaming even, but he didn't care. He was grinning as he ran downstairs and towards Papa's room, his intention of making Mikado known in his family was clear. He pressed the door handle, and realising it was unlocked, pulled it open.

"Papa! Hisa-nii! Can I...?"

The words stuck in his throat as he stared at the most horrible thing he'd ever seen.

Nagahisa was there, lying face first on the bed, eyes wide at his youngest brother standing on the doorway. Towa's grin slowly faltered at the sight. Blood was everywhere, and purple bruises on Nagahisa's back glared at Towa under the yellow lamp. The room stank of something nauseating, and Towa coughed in revulsion. He couldn't look away, but his eyes caught a sight of several empty bottles near the bed.

"Hisa-nii?"

Papa slowly turned his head and glared at Towa, one that Towa had never seen before. He never knew Papa could look so terrifying. He lifted his fist from Nagahisa's body and moved towards his youngest son, his eyes still held the same hatred.

"Not Towa, don't. Please go, Towa." Nagahisa lifted his body from the bed and moaned. "Go, Towa."

"Towa, please, let's go."

Kuon was standing behind his little brother, his hand on his shoulder. It was the first time Towa realised that his fingers were scarred, and that was the first time Kuon pleaded to him. Towa looked back and forth at his hard stare and their father's horrifying glare. "Papa, not Towa. Don't."

Nagahisa reached for their father and touched his back. "Papa, not our little Towa. Please."

The touch snapped him out from his former intention of making Towa his newest punching bag, for his fist suddenly flew and collided with Nagahisa's face, breaking his glasses. Kuon pulled Towa away and kicked the door close. He dragged Towa upstairs, towards their room. At that time, Towa was already crying, tears streaming down his face like a never ending waterfall.

"Towa."

"Ku-nii, why?"

"Towa."

Towa kept crying, and for the first time in their lives, Kuon pulled him into a loose hug. "Towa," he repeated his name, soothing him. "I'm sorry."

"Ku-nii! Hisa-nii's hurt! Papa hurts him!"

"Towa," Kuon placed his cold, shaking hands on Towa's cheek. "Smile, Towa. Smile for me."

"Wh-what?"

"We love your smile, Towa. Just smile for us."

And Towa did. For it was the only thing he could do, after all.

*.*.*

Towa didn't tell Mikado what had happened, and Nagahisa was so late Mikado had to go home earlier than he did. Finally, Kuon picked him up fifteen minutes after Mikado left. He was silent as usual, and Towa failed to notice frowns and tired look from his older brother.

"I apologise for making you and Towa wait this long."

"It's okay," Sayaka-sensei smiled at him. "You are...?"

"My name is Kuon Aikawa, Towa's second brother."

"Oh my, you're so tall! How old are you, dear?"

"Thirteen."

"You're in middle school, then. I thought you're older than Hisa-kun."

Kuon let out a noise, which sounded neither affirmative nor contradicting, and Towa realised that Mikado was right. Neither of his brothers went to school. "Towa, we should go," he said before Towa's teacher could say something else. "Say goodbye to Sensei."

Towa did and they walked out. They were walking silently down the road when Towa decided to speak up; his small hands nervously gripped his bag. "Ku-nii?"

"Hm?"

"Why don't you and Hisa-nii go to school?"

Kuon frowned, and now Towa noticed it. "I have work to do."

"But…?"

"I study with Chiaki-san's children, with a tutor. I teach Aniki sometimes."

"But why don't you go to school like me?"

Kuon stopped and Towa collided against his back. His older brother knelt on the empty sidewalk and Towa thought he would touch his cheeks like he had done yesterday. He shivered at the image of Kuon's scared eyes and his demands to see a smiling Towa.

"Towa, there are…reasons why we don't. Aniki might hide it from you, but I don't want to. I don't, but you won't really understand."

It was the first time Towa heard Kuon beating around the bush like that and it scared him. "But, Towa, Aniki wants to take care of Papa. Papa needs to be taken care of, especially from what you've seen yesterday." Kuon paused for a bit. "Besides, Aniki works too, don't you know?"

"What?"

"He delivers newspapers in the morning, before you wake up."

Towa shook his head to hard he almost hit Kuon's arm. "But he still—"

"Towa, as long as you smile for us, he won't be that angry. He doesn't do that..."

"Really?" Towa brightened at the news.

"...not often," Kuon sighed and wiped his forehead with his long sleeve. He didn't answer Towa's question. "Stay away from Papa; we can take care of him. He might be angry at you, and say something bad, but don't you dare coming near him again. You only need to smile for us, we love your smile."

"Smile? Like this?" Towa smiled widely for him and Kuon nodded. They fell into a long silence again as they continued walking.

"Ku-nii?"

"Hm?"

"How's Hisa-nii?"

Kuon's stoic expression changed into something Towa couldn't comprehend. His second brother didn't show his feelings much, but it was the first time he looked like that. As if Towa had asked something that he'd never believe.

"He's okay."

Towa sighed in relief. "Sorry, Ku-nii, I was—"

"Stop."

"What?"

"Stop. He's okay, and you can't go in there anymore."

His tone was so creepy that Towa felt goosebumps on his skin. "Alrighty, alrighty, Ku-nii," he finally nodded, trying to sound cheerful.

It was Kuon's turn to sigh, and Towa felt warmth flooded inside him as he saw a ghost of a smile on his lips. That meant Nagahisa was really okay, and nothing could harm them now.

"Towa," Kuon said as they stepped inside the house. "I exchanged my shift, so I'm going to work now, and please don't go near Papa's room. He's sleeping."

"What should I do today?" Towa asked, blinking expectantly at his brother. "Do you have a game to play?" Kuon sometimes went home with a new game for Towa, and sometimes Chiaki-san gave it to them. They only had an old game console, but nobody minded.

"No. Aniki said you have drawings to do today, and math homework. Do those."

"Aw, Ku-nii!"

"_Do. Those. _First. And Aniki made some curry, so don't worry."

Towa pouted and Kuon patted his head, not caring. He left with his usual bag, filled with his work uniform and several books to read.

There was nobody in his room, thus Towa sneaked out to the next one, one that was shared between Kuon and Nagahisa. It was unlocked, and Towa saw Nagahisa sleeping. Towa crept inside and put a hand on his brother's shoulder. Nagahisa moaned in his sleep, and Towa pulled his hand abruptly, afraid that he'd hurt him even more. It was too late, for his brother's eyes had opened.

"Towa? Is that you?"

"Yes, Hisa-nii." Towa blinked, confused at first, but then realised that Nagahisa couldn't really see without his glasses.

"You're home." He sat up and his face clenched in pain. "Kuon picked you up?"

Towa nodded and Nagahisa apologised. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Ku-nii said there's curry."

"Yes. Wanna eat now?"

Towa shook his head. He wanted Nagahisa to go back to sleep. There was a huge purple mark around his eye, and Towa didn't like it at all. "Ku-nii said I should do homework first."

"Why don't you do it here, so I can help?"

"You should sleep, Hisa-nii."

"You're being persistent," Nagahisa smiled weakly. "You can do it here, Towa, while I'm sleeping. Deal?"

Towa liked doing his assignments near his brothers, so he nodded happily at him. "Deal!" He ran back to his room to take his bag and went back to his brother's room. When he re-entered, Nagahisa was already sleeping. Towa chuckled and sat on the floor in front of the small table.

He stared at the blank paper before him. _What should I draw?_

He was busy brainstorming when Papa made a sound downstairs. It sounded like a huge thing falling against the floor, and he jumped. Nagahisa didn't even budge. Towa shivered and desperately fought the urge to lock the door, only to realise that his brothers' room had no key, unlike his.

Utter silence filled the house, and in his fear, Towa gave his assignment up as a lost cause. He finally fell asleep, his face on the desk.

Hours later, he woke up when Kuon shook his shoulders with the palest face he'd ever seen. Nagahisa knelt next to him, his face was just as pale.

"Ku-nii? Hisa-nii? What is it?" Towa called, confused. He blinked and tried to see new purple colour on their faces but he found none. "What is it?" Then he looked down.

Nagahisa was holding his drawing paper with very shaky hands. His eyes were wide as if he'd seen a ghost. "Hisa-nii?"

"I thought... I thought yesterday was a nightmare... it wasn't real..." His oldest brother's voice was low and broken. "I don't know... why little Towa saw that..."

"Aniki, calm down." Towa looked at Kuon, whose face wasn't as pale as before, but still looked shocked.

"We don't want Towa hurt... not Towa... please, not little Towa..."

"_Aniki! Hisa-nii!_" both little brothers shouted. Kuon's hands snatched Nagahisa's shoulder and shook him as hard as he could. "_Aniki!_"

Nagahisa jumped and the paper flew from his hands. Towa stared at it with wide eyes. It was the scariest thing he'd ever seen.

"Wh-who drew that?"

Kuon was the one to become paler this time. He picked the paper and put it on the table. "You don't even realise?" he asked, his tone held the shock and exasperation that Towa had never heard before. "You did, Towa."

Towa stared back and forth at his brothers, to Nagahisa who started to cry and sprouting out apologises. It confused Towa because he did nothing wrong. "Hisa-nii, stop apologising!" Towa felt panic streaming inside him, and he started to shake too.

"Aniki, Towa, calm down. Let me," Kuon ordered before grabbing the picture and ran outside. Neither brother knew what he did with the drawing. Kuon didn't want to talk about it, even though Towa begged him. He simply told him to draw something else and do his homework.

But still, the picture, one consisted of smiling scribbles of Towa, Kuon, and Nagahisa, haunted their dreams for around a month. Not the scribbles made from colourful crayons that haunted them, but the black, looming figure that covered around the scribbles, dark and threatening.

Like the three scribbles, Towa gave the black figure a name, which was the reason of his brothers' hysterics.

He called it _'Papa'_.

*.*.*

_"He mugged me and took off with my bike. He ran east!"_

Years came, and now the thirteen year old Towa was in the second year of middle school. Nagahisa and Kuon were totally working now. Nagahisa, now twenty-one, managed to get into a small company, despite of him not having any school degree. Kuon was still working for Chiaki-san, and the chance of him to inherit the restaurant was big, for the old man had mentioned it to him.

Everything changed, and Towa grew, became a healer for his brothers. He bandaged Kuon's arm and put salve on Nagahisa's bruises. And once, when Papa had been so furious because there were no bottles left so he threw Kuon from the stairs, Towa was dragged to Kuon's workplace and heard Nagahisa begging Chiaki-san to lend him some money to take his brother to the hospital.

Nagahisa didn't say so, of course. He only said that Kuon fell and he needed to see a doctor. Chiaki-san seemed suspicious but said nothing as he gave Kuon's weekly salary earlier than usual. Towa, who was given a bag of snack from Kuon's employer and was busy eating it when Nagahisa spoke, almost choked in shock. It was the first time he heard such blatant lie, but his oldest brother didn't give him time to object.

It stayed in his mind for all his life.

The only thing that didn't change in his house was Papa. He became older, wasn't that strong anymore but that had shortened his patience. He was just as dangerous as before. But the three brothers now had a life, and they couldn't spend too much time in the house, which made him even angrier sometimes. But as long as they stocked the bottles in his room, everything would be just fine.

Towa changed the most. He grew and was tired of everything. He was tired of muffled screams in the night, of his brothers selflessly attempting to protect him. Towa didn't know if they had known and ignored it altogether or they had truly forgotten that the image of a bleeding Nagahisa was still etched in Towa's mind since he was in fourth year.

Those images made him angry. Sometimes he'd sit in class, daydreaming until the dream changed into a nightmare, from his brothers' laughs into their screams, from Mikado's smiles into Towa's tears. Then he'd be so angry his hands would shake so hard and images—products of his (actually) creative mind, which left him wonder how on earth he could imagine such things—of his brothers being beaten played in his mind.

_Can I kill Papa? He's hurting Hisa-nii. He's beating Ku-nii. I don't love Papa. Can I kill him?_

Once, the thought was too much that he snapped like a rubber band. He ran into the bathroom, ripping out some buttons from his uniform, messing up his hair and taking off his socks. Then he blacked out, and woke up in the infirmary with some scars on his arms and news that a bathroom stall was broken.

After the drawing incident back in his fourth year, he sometimes got several 'blackouts'. He managed to keep them out from his brothers, for he knew they'd be worried sick of it. What he actually tried so hard to hide is because every time he blacked out, he was angry or scared, and when he woke up, the person he was angry with would get hurt. He didn't know how that person got hurt, but he was happy to hear that.

He also befriended a new boy with a petit, lithe frame and ability to speak Spanish. Yuu Kashiwagi was his name. He wore hair accessories and was a porcelain doll compared to the delinquent Towa. But there was more in him than delicate looks. Yuu had a very sharp tongue and could fight just as well as Towa, if he ever remembered fighting.

Mikado also changed, and this was the worst change in Towa's life. Mikado never told him about his family, so when Towa found out he came from a rich one was a huge surprise to him. Then his family sent him to an all-boys dorm outside the town, and Towa lost contact. Actually it was Towa who stopped contacting him, because deep down, he just didn't want Mikado to see him like this. That dark boy was just too different. But Towa did his best not to think about it too much.

Other than that, he didn't change much. He still loved his brothers' homemade curry—and Kuon even learned to make a curry bread!—and he still had his happy-go-lucky personality, although most of the students left him alone and tend to fear him. Or to be precise, _his blackouts_.

"Towa?" a call pulled him back to reality.

"Hello, Yuu! Want some? Ku-nii made more curry bread for me today."

Yuu smirked and shook his head. Towa didn't realise that his best (and only) friend was fed up with that kind of bread. "Someone's out there, looking for you."

"Me?"

Yuu shrugged. "Kids here call you 'the creepy bad boy', and that's what he's looking for."

Towa swallowed the rest of his curry bread and walked outside. "Where is he?" he asked, his hands unconsciously messing up his brown hair.

"On the field. Towa, you—"

"What?"

"He's pretty scary." Yuu replied, concerned.

Towa merely laughed. "Nothing's scarier than our math sensei." _And Papa, of course_.

It was already past PE lessons for all classes, and Towa—who always skipped this History class, his brothers wouldn't be proud but he just couldn't help it—wondered why he was called. When he entered the field, a redhead was there, and from his messy uniform and threatening face, Towa realised he was from the nearby school.

"Hi there," he greeted cheerfully. "What can I help you with?" Nagahisa would be proud at his hospitality.

The redhead crossed his arms in front of his chest and spat on the ground. "Idiot," he said. "Can't even think why I'm here, can you?"

_Idiot. Idiot Towa. Can't even think why Papa's angry at Hisa-nii today, can you?_

Towa's face burned at the words.

"Your friends beat mine yesterday. I'm here to take revenge."

_Papa beat Ku-nii yesterday. I'm here, but I can't take any revenge._

Towa's body shook.

"You're alone?"

_You'll always be alone, healing your brothers until they die from the bruises and you'll be left alone._

Towa sight blurred.

"Why don't you say anything, idiot? You look as if you want to hit me. Go on, then, I call it a duel."

_Why don't you say anything, idiot? You look as if you want to kill Papa. Go on, then, hit him just like you want to. Duelling Papa sounds tempting, eh, Towa?_

Towa blacked out.

*.*.*

When he woke up, he was on the infirmary. Kuon was standing next to his bed, still wearing his work uniform. He looked concerned even though he didn't show it much. Next to him were Yuu and a blond boy he didn't recognise.

"Where am I?" he asked the most common question ever asked after regaining consciousness.

"Infirmary," Kuon said curtly, resting his hand near Towa's. Towa could feel the warmth and gripped it, feeling all the scars. He winced at the rough abrasions.

"You passed out after fighting," the blond boy suddenly said.

"Who are you?"

"Oh crap," the boy muttered. "Ryuichi Shinonome. I go to the same school as Yuki-chan."

"Yuki-chan?" Yuu asked.

"That guy whom Aikawa fought against." That was when Towa realised that his uniform was just like the redhead's, and also that messy.

"Why are you here?" Kuon asked, his tone low and dangerous. Both Towa and Yuu flinched. Yuu had met Towa's brothers several times at school events (and once in Kuon's workplace), and he was a bit scared at Kuon but took a liking towards Nagahisa. Every time Kuon used such tone, everybody would shiver, but Shinonome just laughed, which impressed Towa to no end.

"I want to say congratulations. You sent Yuki-chan to the hospital."

"I—what?" Towa sat up, and realised that he didn't feel any pain. Like, _at all_.

"You're the first person who kicked him off. He's pissed, you know."

"Why are you here?" Kuon repeated his question.

"Right," Yuu spoke up. "Why don't you stay with that redhead idiot?"

Shinonome laughed again, and it was genuine, as if he wasn't angry that they called his friend an idiot. "He wants to be alone—"

"Figures," Yuu muttered under his breath, and Towa was the only one who heard him.

"—and I'm want to know if I can see you more often," Shinonome continued, shrugging. "You seem to be a nice kid, and you fought good. Besides, I told Yuki-chan that I'd befriend someone who could defeat him in a duel."

Kuon's eyes narrowed but said nothing. Towa, the ever naïve Towa, immediately smiled and nodded.

"Why not? I'm happy to have more friends!" He gestured at his best friend and his second brother. "This is Yuu Kashiwagi, my friend. He's great at Spanish! And this is Ku-nii! I mean… my brother Kuon! He's a great cook! D'you like curry breads, Shinonome?"

Shinonome bowed at them and smiled. "It's one of my favourites."

"Great! We can share our lunch sometimes!"

Yuu grimaced, Kuon still said nothing, and that was when a duo became a trio.

*.*.*

"I won't tell Aniki about this," Kuon began, a while after Yuu and Shinonome left. "He doesn't need to know about this."

Towa's eyes widened in worry. "Please don't tell Hisa-nii! Pleaseee?"

"Tell me something first."

Towa nodded and sat up again. After this, the school would be over and they could go home. Towa couldn't help but to feel excited.

"You told them you didn't remember fighting. Is it true?"

Towa nodded again. "I just kinda… lost it, Ku-nii. I _really_ can't remember. I was angry and then I just... I dunno, Ku-nii."

A long pause. "I don't understand, but I believe you," Kuon finally replied. "The school calls me sometimes, you know, telling me you fought. Lucky you Aniki doesn't know about this."

Towa froze, excitement draining itself out from him. "Ku-nii, I just can't remember. I feel so angry and then _boom!_ Someone's hurt."

Kuon sighed and told Towa to smile. "Smile, Towa, so you won't be angry. I don't want Aniki to know this." He sighed again. "Don't do it again."

Towa smiled at him, one he only gave his brothers when they were hurting and desperate, and felt nothing could anger him now.

He felt at peace.

*.*.*

A week later, Yuu came again into their 'lair', an abandoned class in the most deserted side of school. Shinonome was there, sharing his lunch. "Yuki-chan's absent today, so I come here," he reasoned. "But I'm moving next to his house, so all is fine."

"What on earth do you like from that guy?" Towa asked, irritated. From Shinonome's stories, Yuki seemed to be a very annoying person and taking care of him seemed to be a very hard task to do.

"He actually likes me around, but he couldn't say it."

"Like Ku-nii?"

"No, not like Aikawa-san. He's a talker, you know. And so strong that he can make a hole a wall without a scratch—ever heard of his popular Supersonic Right Fist?—and he has that hand-saber that can cut glass!" Shinonome laughed at his own story, and Towa could hear adoration in his tone. "He's loud when angry and quiet when drunk, but I can tell he likes me around. He never pushes me away even though he can."

"Towa?" Yuu interrupted.

"Yuu! Come here, have lunch with us."

"Seems delicious," Yuu remarked sarcastically at the sight of curry breads. "Someone's looking for you again, Towa. He's on the field."

"Not an idiot redhead with a messy uniform like his?" Towa asked, gesturing to Shinonome, who laughed.

Yuu put on a face. "Nope. But let me tell you, Towa, he's scarier than—" he glanced at Shinonome, "—your Yuki-chan."

"I don't know there's anyone's scarier than Yuki-chan!" Shinonome laughed even louder and jumped to his feet. "Coming with 'ya, Aikawa. I need to go back too."

Towa smiled and let him. The three of them slowly made their way towards the field, and Towa could recognise the person from afar. His eyes widened and he hurriedly pushed his shirt into his trousers, trying to look neater. Yuu frowned but didn't say anything, and Shinonome just smirked, glancing at the figure standing under a tree.

"Scarier than Yuki-chan, indeed," he mocked, earning a glare from Yuu.

When Towa felt much neater—_where on earth are my socks?_—he walked outside, feeling so excited and worried at the same time. The person, still as perfect as ever, blinked and approached him, a small, content smile on his face.

"Towa," he called.

"Mikado!"

*.*.*

_"We're the love express!"_

"You didn't want to see me."

Towa blushed but said nothing. He just shrugged and sat on the grass while Mikado found a small bench near the tree. It was just like the old days. But this time Towa kept silent and Mikado was the one talking.

"I went to our school and you weren't there. I gave you my dorm address but you never wrote me." The dark boy sighed in frustration. "Seriously, Towa, what do you want?"

Towa played with the sand—there was no longer grass under him now—and his hands were shaking as he spoke. "I want to get out from here."

"So this is how you 'get out from here'?"

"What?"

"Fighting. Being a delinquent." Mikado shrugged and continued before Towa had a chance to speak. "I've heard much, and I've seen you trying to tidy your shirt."

Towa's face reddened even more, and Mikado gave him a ghost of his smile at the sight. Towa realised he missed that 'smile', and he laughed. Being with Mikado always could make him laugh. It'd been a while since he laughed with Mikado.

"How's your brother?"

"Hisa-nii's..." _Papa beat him again this morning, he forgot to bring him another bottle, and he had to call in sick to his office_. "...fine."

Mikado made a small noise of disbelief and Towa didn't seem to notice. They fell into a short silence before Yuu and Shinonome decided to get themselves into the scene.

"Aikawa, I should go back. They might wonder where I am."

Towa jumped from the ground and grinned at Shinonome, Yuu stood behind him. Shinonome was still holding Towa's curry bread. "Mikado, these are Shinonome and Yuu, my friends."

Mikado regarded them with expressionless eyes and nodded. "I'm Mikado Shirahane," he began formally. He regarded their messy uniforms, especially Shinonome's, and said more. Towa felt the atmosphere darkened and he didn't like it. "Not from this school, you are?"

Shinonome winked and smirked. "Nope, nope. Aikawa and Kashiwagi are new friends of mine." Then he turned to Towa and Yuu. "'Kay, should go back! Bye, bye, Kashiwagi, Aikawa, see you."

Then he was gone, blatantly ignoring Mikado who was still sitting on the bench. Towa shrugged and let Yuu sit with him on the ground. They talked for a while before Mikado excused himself, actually uncomfortable at the newcomer (read: Yuu), telling them that he should go.

"I'm going to take a placement test for my new high school tomorrow," he said, smiling for Towa only. "I should go home and study."

"Okay, okay! Bye, bye, Mikado!" Towa walked with him, but Mikado stopped near the gate.

"Oh, Towa?"

"Hm?"

"After my tests are done, can we go out? Together, just the two of us."

Towa grinned, failed to catch the 'date' meaning in his friend's words. "I'd love to!" And then his face darkened in disappointment. "But my finals are coming. I might fail."

Mikado contemplated this for a moment. "Maybe we can go to the library? I can teach you."

Towa's grin was back in a second. "Deal!"

*.*.*

"Hisa-nii."

"Hm? Ouch. Careful."

Towa sighed as he gently rubbed the salve on Nagahisa's bruised shoulder. "Aren't you tired of all this?"

"What do you mean?"

Towa wondered if Nagahisa inherited his naïveté to him. And now he could see why Kuon was so exasperated sometimes. "Papa."

It was Nagahisa's turn to sigh. He winced when Towa rubbed the salve a bit too hard and Towa's hand stopped mid-air. "Towa, Mama told us to take care of Papa before you were born."

"But—"

"Towa, you don't need to worry." Nagahisa assured. "You just need to smile for us. Me and Kuon, both, we love your smile. You don't need to worry for Papa or us."

"But, Hisa-nii—"

"Smile, little brother. It's the most beautiful thing ever."

Towa's hand dropped and he tried to smile. He really did. But all he felt was the wetness on his cheeks and the blur on his eyes. Nagahisa started to panic before him.

"Wah! Waah! Don't cry, Towa! Waah!"

_You're just too kind, Hisa-nii._

Towa cried for around five minutes, Nagahisa's thin arms around him.

"You've okay now?" Nagahisa finally asked, when Towa didn't sob as loud as before. He even didn't complain that Towa had been putting his head on his bruise all this time. "Can you smile for me?"

Towa smiled between his tears, and Nagahisa smiled back. His eyes narrowed when he saw something on Towa's ears.

"Towa, did you pierce your ear?"

*.*.*

"And Hisa-nii went hysterical, again."

Mikado didn't say anything at Towa's story, but he looked like he was going to laugh. Towa smiled as he licked his ice cream. They were resting on the park near the library, because Mikado wanted to. Mikado was also the one who insisted to buy an ice cream for Towa.

"Ku-nii pierced his ear too," Towa continued his story. "He told Hisa-nii that I pierced my ears because of him. But no! I pierced my ears because I wanted to!"

"He's protecting you," Mikado stated quietly.

"Eh? Right. He might be." Towa stopped to think about it for a moment. That was the first time he did. "Hisa-nii did scold Ku-nii, but I don't know. They don't want to talk about it."

"I see you're highlighting your hair, too," Mikado's hand slowly caressed Towa's brown hair, which showed some shadows of light blond. Towa felt his face got hotter at every touch from that hand. _Stop! He's your childhood friend!_ "Don't you afraid they'd be angry?"

"I love the colour. They won't mind. Hisa-nii likes the colour blond," Towa persisted stubbornly, and Mikado sighed.

"I never...expect to see you like this," he muttered.

"Hm? What is it, Mikado?"

"Nothing. You know, Towa, this feels like a date, isn't it?"

The one word felt like a slap on Towa's cheek and he flinched. "D-date? What are you talking about, Mikado? We're not d-d-d...!"

"I'm just joking." Mikado laughed and Towa realised he missed that laugh so much. "Now, now, can we start studying?"

Towa let out a relieved, awkward laugh and followed Mikado into the library. That day became the best, if not weirdest, day in Towa's life. For the first time, he understood some of his lessons and his head even could grasp some new words in English.

But most of all, it was Mikado's fault. For he kissed Towa that day, behind the shelves and on the darkest side of the history section.

_What on earth are you doing, idiot Towa, kissing your best friend?_

*.*.*

Towa avoided Mikado for days. But, knowing Mikado, he managed to pull him into more and more study sessions in the library. Mikado didn't try to touch him again, and all he did was to say weird things in a teasing tone that Towa couldn't comprehend, but other than that, everything was fine.

Then exams came, and Towa, _surprise surprise_, managed to pass most of it. When the report card was given, Nagahisa gave him the tightest hug Towa'd ever experienced, and he even earned a smile and a pat on the back from Kuon.

"I told you, you can do it!" Nagahisa beamed at him. "What do you want for passing these tests?"

Towa smiled at both of his brothers. "Can I dye my hair blond?"

Nagahisa fainted for three minutes, but told him it was okay since he knew the school regulations weren't actually forbidding that. As for Kuon, he merely narrowed his eyes and said, "Blond fits you more than brown. You aren't as pale as us."

"Who's teaching you, Towa?"

Towa grinned as he returned to Nagahisa. "It's Mikado! Remember him?"

Nagahisa apparently did, since he fainted for a bit longer this time.

And when Mikado saw him in the holidays, he had to refrain himself from gaping when he saw Towa's new hair. He looked just the same, but the hair was so blond, so _light_ that it would get every attention everywhere Towa went. Mikado loved it, though. He loved everything about his cheery friend.

"You have a nice hair," he complimented, pulling Towa's head to smell on his hair.

"Thanks, Mikado! I was afraid you wouldn't like it." Towa beamed at him and Mikado fell even deeper in the sea of love. "Oh, by the way, how's your placement test?"

Mikado almost scoffed, but he held himself. The only reason why he did the test—in a rather low-standard school, at least for him—was to make sure Towa would go to the same school next year. Besides, this school was pretty close to the road leading to Towa's house.

Speaking about Towa's house, Mikado, even after all this time, still couldn't stop wondering where Towa's house was.

But all he could say was, "It's okay."

"Tell me if you make it!"

"Of course. How's yours?"

Towa went on and on with his success and his face was red when he finished. He looked just like when they were little, minus the piercings and newly dyed hair.

"You can get into my school then."

Towa's face darkened. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I kind of... wish you can teach me again."

Mikado lifted his eyebrows and smiled. Towa swore he could see flashes around that beautiful smile. "My pleasure, studying with you," Mikado replied, his tone suave like his older brother liked to use. "We'll study everything, with attention to every... _place_."

Towa pouted. "Am I really that bad? Thanks, Mikado!"

Mikado was sure he was blushing from that naive remark. For the first time in his life, he was embarrassed. But well... Towa's pout was worth it. "So... do you want to go?"

"Let's go, Mikado!" So they walked down the street and into the nearest arcade. "I want to show you my favourite game!"

*.*.*

_Subject: meat, milk, sardines, milk, me. Pick one._

Present Day

"We went out for years, and I love him. I know I l-_love_ him!"

The police officer nods, one of his hands holds the boy's and the other takes the recorder to his grip. This is a very interesting story and the record will come in handy. "Do you want to rest?" he asks gently. "You've told me quite a story, and I know you're tired."

The boy shakes his head. "I want to get this over with."

"The nurse seems to disagree. You should eat first, and the doctor wants you to rest."

"No!" the boy retorts shakily. "I...I'll eat. But I can't sleep. I've slept for a long time."

"You'll come with me to your room," the officer negotiates with a soft yet firm voice. "You'll eat, and then you'll tell your story on your bed, full and relaxed."

"O-okay."

It takes a rather long time for him to eat, thanks to his shaky hands. The police officer sits patiently, his eyes scans the hospital room until they see a worn out, black little thing on the nightstand. It's an old journal, a rather small, formal one.

"What is this?"

The boy blinks several times and gulps. "It's his," he answers finally. "He didn't even r-remember having it until the time he left me... there. It doesn't suit him, I don't th-think so. I don't know why he had such th-thing."

_That's why you can tell all his story _that_ detailed_, the officer thinks. But before he can think more, the boy has spoken. The meal apparently has calmed his nerves, for he can speak without stuttering and he isn't shaking anymore.

"I can't tell you much, but we continued to be like that, until high school."

*.*.*

Years Before

What Towa liked from his new high school was that Shinonome and Yuu went together with him, and for that he was so happy. But it turned out that Yuki-chan—Shuji Yukimura—was there too, became a reason why Shinonome was also here. Yuki was a reformed—_self-reinvented_, a word Shinonome once used which Towa would never understand—delinquent, and now he was the school president.

Maybe it was Yuki's grudge of being defeated by Towa, for he became so twitchy and 'demonic', according to other students, towards him. For Towa, his strict attitude was simply annoying, and Mikado became his refuge, again.

"Why on earth can't he stop irritating me? Can't stop telling me how I hang out with my friends in that empty classroom is a big mistake!" he ranted in front of Mikado, who listened intently just like he'd done years ago. "The student council is my enemy! They don't like my hair and piercings! Mikado, what do you think?"

Mikado stared at him with his sparkling eyes, and it was the first time Towa realised they were really _that_ sparkly. On the rooftop, the place which was prohibited to any students but them, Towa found himself seeing a more matured Mikado. It shocked him so much that he didn't realise that his apple juice was spraying to his chin.

"The student council is annoying to say the least," Mikado finally said.

"Especially that damned school pres!"

Mikado's eyes widened at the last remark. "School pres?"

Towa glared at the wall behind Mikado. "That megane jerk, Mikado! The dude with glasses! That know-it-all prick with flaming red hair and grumpy face that I want to punch!"

"Oh, Yukimura."

"Yes! _That_ megane jerk!" Towa huffed and slid down to the floor next to the eating Mikado. It'd been almost a week since they first met here. Mikado had been reading back then, and Towa had broken in using a wire. It was funny, and it had taken Towa almost a day to realise that it was really Mikado, his childhood friend.

"He's pretty capable, you know."

"You know him?"

"We're in the same class."

Towa huffed again and continued to eat in silence until Towa broke it, again. "Are you sure we first-years should come to the Founder's Day opening? It's boring!"

"Yes."

"Will you be there? You weren't there in our Welcoming Day." Towa pouted in disappointment.

Mikado laughed. "I'll be there, don't worry."

*.*.*

"Please welcome, our noble school president, Mikado Shirahane."

When Towa heard that, he got the shock of his life. Mikado was appointed as school president! He stood there, tall and proud and _intimidating_—the first time Towa felt such way to his best friend—as he read out an opening speech. He was used to see a 'carefree' Mikado, and seeing this side of him made an involuntary shiver on his back.

"Hey, is that your—" Yuu was going to talk but Towa shushed him.

After the speech, Towa couldn't care less about the rest of the opening ceremony. All he wanted was to see Mikado and tell him how betrayed he felt right now.

And told him he did.

Hours later, Mikado was walking downstairs when Towa stopped him, his face flushed in betrayal. "Mikado! I've something to tell you!"

Mikado frowned but went upstairs, towards the smaller boy.

"Why?" he asked, rather pathetically. "Why don't you tell me you're the... the pres?"

"That won't change anything."

"Of course it'll change everything! You won't really on my side, and I know what I told you will be around that damned council!" Towa ranted like a madman, walking back and forth in front of his best friend, who had kept such a secret that disappoint him greatly. He, in a fit of rage, pulled out his shirt from behind his trousers. "I'll better be back to what I was in middle school!"

Towa didn't know why he was so angry, but he didn't want to black out in front of Mikado, so he turned back and ran downstairs.

"Towa!"

Towa stopped and looked back. Mikado was running—_running!_—downstairs, towards him. "Towa," he called. "Wait."

"It's Shirahane, right?" suddenly Towa heard someone whispering. He snapped his head at the source of voice and saw two boys, most probably his seniors, standing nearby. They stared back at him and one asked rather loudly just to piss him off, "What's he doing with that loser?"

Towa's anger erupted, and he blacked out.

*.*.*

"This is not good, Towa."

Towa stared at Mikado's dark hair under the white ceiling of the infirmary. "Where am I?"

"The infirmary," Mikado said gently. "I haven't told you, don't get physical with those guys in the council, which you just did."

"Why are you here?" The anger came back to him but it wasn't in full force like what he had felt in front of the two students. "I don't want to talk to you."

Mikado sighed and let out the words that he'd never said before. "I'm sorry."

"Leave me alone." Towa rolled so he was facing the window. "You don't care much to tell me you're the pres, and now you care? Leave, please. I need to be alone."

Mikado did, and Towa could hear his footsteps fading away. Thoughts swirled in Towa's mind like a whirlpool, and their old conversations played over and over again like a broken record. And then there was that kiss.

_Shit_, he thought to himself. He rolled repeatedly on the bed, his cheeks flaming at that certain memory. _It's not like I'm a sappy little girl who'll cry over an old kiss!_

But not long after, the door was opened and someone was obviously walking in.

"I told you, leave me alone!" Towa shouted between the mass of sweet memories being replayed in his mind.

"You fought again, Towa."

Towa rolled again to face the source of voice, and was shocked to see Kuon standing near the bed. He stood there and his bag, which Towa knew was filled with his apron and some books, was tight in his grip. His sweaty face—_sorry, Ku-nii, for making you run over here_—expressed deep disappointment.

"How...?"

Kuon sighed and sat down on the bed, making it creak in protest. "Someone named Shirahane called Chiaki-san. Apparently he knows my workplace."

"Mikado called you?"

"Yes. But that's not important." Kuon stopped and stared deeply, grudgingly, at his little brother. "You fought _again_, Towa."

"I'm sorry, Ku-nii. But I—"

"You don't remember."

"They started it!"

"You _don't_ remember almost sending them to the hospital." Kuon repeated matter-of-factly. "Towa, are you sure you're okay?"

Towa sat up and smiled, but then he realised that it was forced. For the first time in his life, he didn't really want to smile. "Of course, Ku-nii!"

"Are you sure you don't need help?" Kuon pressed. "I think you have an anger management issue."

Towa frowned, not understanding what his brother meant. But before he could speak, Kuon had placed his hand on Towa's head, stroking his hair, something he rarely did.

"Sorry. I shouldn't… ask such thing to you," he said, his voice was like a whisper. "You're okay, right?"

The question made Towa shiver involuntarily. He sounded so much like the boy who had gripped Towa's shoulder and pleaded in front of a bleeding Nagahisa and an extremely drunk Papa, years, years ago. It was the second time Towa heard such tone from him, and it never failed to creep him out. Kuon, his dear Ku-nii, was the only tough refuge in their creepy household, and seeing him falter was like watching a world crumble.

"C'mon," he tried to break the ice, jumping down the bed. "Let's go home, Ku-nii."

They walked home, hand in hand. Kuon was silent and Towa was loud and everything was normal, again. Nagahisa was cooking at home and Papa was sleeping in his room.

Everything was normal, indeed.

*.*.*

_"I know you love me. Words aren't necessary."_

Normality wasn't Towa's friend. He didn't come to the rooftop for weeks, instead he stayed in an abandoned classroom and became what he had been in middle school. Yuu and Shinonome happily joined him, particularly Shinonome, because he had been the one who found the place.

Mikado didn't seem to contact him, leaving Towa with his thoughts. He wondered why he couldn't stop thinking about his childhood friend, and every time his creative mind played the memory of the kiss, he'd flush like a young schoolgirl.

"Towa, are you in love?"

Towa almost spluttered the water he was drinking and turned to look at his friend who asked. Yuu sat next to Shinonome, who was eating his lollipop nonchalantly. Towa didn't know why he stopped smoking and went to lollipops instead, but he was happy to see that. He never liked smokers, despite his delinquent status. Smoking reminded him of Papa, somehow.

"Towa, I repeat, are you in love?"

"Wha-what are you talking about, Yuu?" The question reminded Towa of Mikado, and it made him blush.

Yuu shrugged. "You're hiding, aren't you? You're hiding from that guy whom we sa—"

The boy with hair accessories had no chance to continue his words, for Towa had tackled him and cover his mouth, face red with embarrassment. "Shut up! Shut up, Yuu!"

Shinonome clicked his tongue and watched his two friends 'fighting' with total amusement. He muttered something between their shouts, something like 'these two will never change'. Suddenly he stood and walked towards the door, a small smile grazed his lips.

"Shinonome!" Towa called, panting for breath. Yuu was on top of him, and was going to say something when Towa spoke. "Where're you going?"

Shinonome smirked and spent his entire lollipop, leaving only the white stick. "I have something to discuss with Yuki-chan. See you, guys."

Then he was gone, and Yuu rolled down from Towa, no longer interested in their fake brawl. They laughed and Yuu shared his water for his best friend as they sat back on the floor.

"Remember this, Towa." Yuu finally spoke again. "All men are beasts."

"Nah, not Mikado," Towa laughed. "We're just friends, after all. I—"

But his mind continued to replay that memory of the kiss, and he was forced to shut up. Yuu apparently didn't notice it as well, and they fell into a comforting silence.

Not long after Towa could hear someone ranting outside the class, destroying that silence. Curious, they peeked out. It was Shinonome, who was laughing, with that megane jerk. He was the one ranted about being dragged or something, but Towa didn't hear him anymore.

For Mikado suddenly was standing next to his classroom door.

"Towa," he called with _that_ deep voice—_since when his voice become that low?_—and Towa's mind reeled. "Can we go home together?"

*.*.*

Mikado kissed him again afterwards, on an empty street which separated their ways. Towa had insisted Mikado not to follow him home, even though he asked for a sleepover. No, Papa didn't like strangers coming over.

"I've seen your brother. _Brothers_, you have two of them. Can I pay them a visit?"

Towa nodded and hurriedly thanked Mikado for calling Kuon back then. "But you can't, so-sorry. I just… they don't really like strangers."

Mikado's forehead wrinkled in a slight frown, but he didn't object. "But you have to pay me here, then," he teased.

"What d'you me—mph!"

Then, Towa went home with a reeling mind, burning lips, and a red face, making Nagahisa worried sick. He came home early today, which wasn't good news. Towa only smiled, threw down his bag, noticed a bruise on his brother's elbow under his folded sleeve, and took their usual salve.

"You can tell me, Towa."

"Nothing's bothering me, Hisa-nii. Now please let me."

"I'm glad," he sighed dramatically, and Towa flinched when he touched his cheeks. "I'm glad, you know. You've grown so much."

"Stop being melodramatic, Hisa-nii."

"You sound so much like Kuon. Did he teach you?"

Towa laughed and continued to rub the salve. It wasn't that bad. "Why's this?" he asked.

"I hit the kitchen counter," Nagahisa explained and Towa believed him. "Come, Towa. I've made some snacks. How's school?"

Towa found himself unable to answer that question.

*.*.*

_"It's sunset." "Let's burn the memories." "Let's bury them."_

The 'kissing-in-the-empty-street' became a routine. Mikado would make Towa felt indebted for something, and then he'd kiss him as a payment. Towa secretly liked it, he just didn't want to admit it.

"Towa, do you want to come to your house?"

Towa didn't want to, not when he didn't even want Mikado to come to his. He shook his head and let Mikado kiss him before went separate ways. The kiss wasn't like the usual and even Towa could feel it. Something was… off, as if both of them were distracted with something else.

_Is Mikado disappointed?_

Something was off between the two of them, but he didn't have the time to think about it. Papa was angry when he came home, and Towa forced himself to ignore the loud knocks and screams from his room. He didn't hear it often, for usually his brothers had taken care of it, but this was the first time he'd heard it when he was alone. It scared and angered him at the same time.

"Let me out, you worthless boy! LET ME OUT, YOU SON OF A BITCH! GIVE ME MY BOTTLES!"

Towa could feel rage building up in him, and he decided to turn away and ran upstairs. He had to control himself, he didn't want anything to happen.

Not here. Not in his house, a place he was forced to call home.

He fell asleep. In his dream there were no bruise on Nagahisa and scar on Kuon. Papa was smiling, and someone with light face and warm laugh—_Mama?_ Towa couldn't remember anymore—was also there. Yuu and Shinonome were also there, chatting and laughing. They were laughing together when Mikado came, with his beautiful smile and sparkling eyes. He gave Towa a peck on the cheek, and let Towa spoke on and on about his day.

Towa jumped awake when he felt a hand touching his shoulder. Nagahisa was there, his eyes bloodshot and there was actually blood on his forehead. It shattered Towa's recent dream immediately, ripping it to shreds and burning it to ashes.

"Hisa-nii? Wha-what happened?"

"I'm fine, help me, Towa. We should help Kuon. Sorry, but I can't do it alone. Sorry, To—"

Towa was the first one to come out the room, and the first thing he saw was Papa standing over an unconscious Kuon. Kuon's head was bleeding, and his pale face showed Towa that he was dying or even worse. It made him gasp in shock.

"Ku-nii!" he called. And then he saw him. Papa.

Papa was a very tall man, and he was even taller than Kuon. Seeing him hovering like that, a broken glass bottle on his hand, returned the rage in full force. He started to shake, but he managed to run downstairs.

"What have you done?!" Towa heard someone shrieking, and it took him a while to realise that the person was actually himself. "WHAT DID MY BROTHERS DO THAT DESERVE THIS?!"

Papa turned back to his youngest son, the one he almost never saw after his wife's death that had awakened his abusive nature. He lifted the rest of the bottle and was swinging it down when the worst thing ever happened.

"NOT TOWA! NOT TOWA!"

The glass shattered against Nagahisa's shoulder, and he fell. Blood was everywhere and Towa lost it.

Towa blacked out, and the last thing he saw was the door opening and Mikado walking in.

*.*.*

_Blood. _

_Blood was the first thing I saw. It was everywhere. It was even on me. I needed a while to realise that it was also mine. It scared me, but I couldn't really speak. I was…hurt. Everything hurt, everywhere hurt._

_Then I saw him. He stood there, his back taut and hands shaking. He was so angry he was unrecognisable. He was no longer my… _friend_; he was a monster._

_Now I understood._

_He turned at me and saw my state. His face crumpled in anguish, and I realised he wasn't angry anymore._

_"I'm sorry," he chanted, and I understood. "I'm sorry."_

_His hands were shaky when he lifted me up. I knew he was strong, but I never knew he was _this_ strong. "You should get outta here. I'm sorry."_

_He stopped on the street that separates our houses. He dropped me and wiped my blood with his handkerchief. "I'm sorry. I can't go further. I'm sorry," he chanted again and again. "I think I killed him."_

_"I understand. It's okay."_

_"I might go away. Far, far away."_

_I kissed him, because he might be serious. He kissed me back, and it was sweet and it was salty and it was everything I asked for in our kisses._

_"Take this," he said, giving me an old journal. "It's for you." _

_I stared at him disbelievingly, and he laughed. It sounded painful, but I liked it. I always loved his laugh._

_"Hey, I write stuff too. I take this everywhere I go, this is my diary. I want you to have this, because you're very…very dear to me."_

_He smiled, and I smiled, and we kissed again. Then he left and I surrendered into unconsciousness._

*.*.*

_"So, my story ends here."_

"Then I was found and here I am. That's all I have to tell you."

The police officer nods and turns off the recorder. The boy grips the sheets tighter, but lets a smile graze over his lips. "I feel better. Thank you, Nohara-san."

"Do you know where he is now?"

"No. I don't want to know. Maybe he died, he got pretty much injuries. I don't want to know."

The officer nods. "Now, boy, do you mind if I record your identity and swear that what you tell me is the truth? I might need it."

The boy shakes his head. "Alright. My name is Mikado Shirahane, seventeen years old, and I swear that the story I've told with the help of Officer Tatsuki Nohara-san, is the truth. I will take responsibility if there's a lie between the words that I have spoken and the fact the officers have found on field. Thank you."

*.*.*

Mikado is sleeping when the door creaks open two days later. Him, being a light sleeper he is, and is no longer under the influence of sleeping pills, opens his eyes and sees a form, too masculine to be the night nurse, and too short to be his doctor. He sits up.

"Towa?" he calls, hoping. His bandaged hand reaches for the lamp above his bed and turns it on. "Is that you?"

"Yeah," the person Mikado always loves steps into the dim light of the room. "I just heard my brothers survived. Ku-nii almost died, but he didn't. My father survived too. I didn't kill him, I didn't. But they'll lock him up."

"You're back."

"My brothers need me, Mikado."

_I need you too_. Mikado sighs and pulls him into the tightest hug he can manage. "You have to pay for all these injuries," he teases, and Towa blushes as they kiss.

"You know, Mikado?"

"What?"

"You keep kissing me, are friends supposed to do that?"

Mikado laughs. Towa will never change. "I'm your special friend, Towa," he coos and kisses him on the forehead. He pulls Towa so they are lying side by side on the rather big hospital bed. Towa is dirty, and he doesn't even change his uniform. Blood is still on his clothes, and dirt covers his cheeks. But for Mikado, he's still as beautiful, as _adorable_, as ever.

"Mikado... I'm not smart, so I won't know if you don't tell me."

The dark boy laughs. "You'll know in time. Now, let's just go to sleep."

_I love you, Towa_.

_Smile for me, little brother. Smile for me, dear Towa._

_We all love you, and we'll do anything to protect you._

**FIN.**

* * *

A/N: I read a confession that wants a tragic Mika/Towa and this was made.

Well, that was it. The longest Warui oneshot, 24 pages 11k words. My first Mika/Towa and it turns out like this. Well, at least they're okay in the end. This is one of the hardest fics too, since I'm not even a Mika/Towa fan. Catching their characters is hard as hell. So sorry if there's some OOCness! -_-

Actually I want to end this when Mikado records his name (yes, that crying, shocked boy is Mikado. Unimaginable, yes, but I always believe if someone loses their loved ones they'll crumble), but I just can't. So I gave out a lil bonus!

This is dedicated to my own helplessness, and to my own dear aniki. I sometimes hope I were a boy so I can kick those bullies. *shrugs*

Hope you enjoy!


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